From a daughters point of view, lets talk about our step-mothers. there are cases where step-mothers have and amazing relationship with the daughters, they understand the concept that the daughter needs a fathers love just as much as a wife does, and that the type of love share between the three parties are different. to these step-mothers- I appreciate the role you play in your step-daughters life, if she hasn't thanked you yet, she will someday.
a young child walking away from divorce usually aches for love and acceptance, therefore they do not normally have a problem with accepting a step-mother into their lives (this can also depend on the relationship between father and daughter or the circumstances the children was left in after a more difficult divorce), it still does not take much to get a child on the step-parents side. (buy a lot of chocolates) the general relationship between step-mothers and daughters was summarized perfectly in the movie Cinderella- minus all the magic of course. when I was doing research I hardly found that there are problems between a step-mother and a step-son. Usually sons have their fists up for their step-fathers and daughters feel hated by their step-mothers. Being a step-mother means that you accept the fact that you are welcoming a mixed family into your life, you accept that the love that you and you new Husband shares will be shared between his children and maybe even the children that you will end up having together. I understand the inner-struggles that stepmothers have when loving a man which already had a life that she was not a part of, but where stepmothers miss the point is when they start treating the step-children like it is their fault for being born and present in your life.
Suddenly your father starts believing everything that your step-mother says, that you are, (and I quote)"a selfish problem." you feel guilty for seeking love from your father, because every time you are shown affection, they would fight. you were young, but you weren't stupid. you start hating your father for choosing a woman over the family he decided to have and break, you start hating your step-mother for taking away a little girls most needed source of affection-the love from her father. Somehow even by doing nothing, you do something wrong. another reason for your step-mother to start a fight and you end up believing that she could be right...I AM THE PROBLEM. You never understood where it all began, the more you thought of all the pain and all the history, the more you strongly disliked the fact that you still had to speak to these people. you tried saying sorry, but to her it sounded like you were starting a war, you tried buying her a gift, but it was like you handed her a loaded gun...eventually you wished she could pull the trigger. Your father now completely thinks that you are the problem, sometimes you slipped and actually acted the same way her words intruded your mind. He doesn't believe you, so if there is no respect from them, you feel you don't need to respect them either.
then along comes their children. (half-brother and half-sisters) they are absolute angles and couldn't do anything wrong. you often start developing hatred for them even if you know they are just innocent babies who probably doesn't even understand why you don't want to hold them, kiss them or play with them. This causes more drama, according to your step-mother you are jealous and your father agrees. actually the new child just made you think of your step-mother, all the pain, loosing your father, and maybe you were jealous. your new brother/sister got to spend weekends with your father, he taught them how to fish or swim, while you couldn't even look at your father when you were younger to ensure peace in the household which you apparently broke- you were the reason why they fought, you were the reason why your father didn't always love your step-mother or why he drank too much. you were never allowed to just live and actually...BREATH.